Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, “What brings you in today, I looked at her and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.” She didn’t quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
> I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
> When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat” I just say, “No, it’s for company!”
> Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, “An ambulance.”
> The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
> The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
> Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
> The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he knows when he’s really in trouble.
> Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs”
> Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
> Some people try to turn back their “odometers.” Not me.
> I want people to know why I look this way.
> I’ve traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.
> Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
> Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
> May you always have:
> Love to share,
> Cash to spare,
> Tires with air,
> And friends who care.