DONALD TRUMP:     All Mexican chickens who wish to cross this road must submit to a complete background check, and full body search.

 

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

 

JOHN McCain:     My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

 

HILLARY CLINTON:     What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

 

DICK CHENEY:     Where’s my gun?

 

COLIN POWELL:     Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

 

BILL CLINTON:     I did not cross the road with that chicken.

 

AL GORE:     I invented the chicken.

 

JOHN KERRY:     Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

 

AL SHARPTON:     Why are all the chickens white?

 

DR. PHIL:   The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

 

OPRAH:     Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a p art of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

 

ANDERSON COOPER:     We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

 

NANCY GRACE:   That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

 

MARTHA STEWART:     No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

 

DR. SEUSS:     Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

 

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:     To die in the rain, alone.

 

JERRY FALWELL:     Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay. If you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases.like ‘the other side’ It’s as plain and as simple as that.

 

GRANDPA:     In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us

 

BARBARA WALTERS:     Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the he art warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

 

ARISTOTLE:     It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.